


Starting Over

by amwelles



Category: The Walking Dead & Related Fandoms, The Walking Dead (TV), Twd - Fandom
Genre: 1980s, Childhood Friends, Daryl - Freeform, Friends to Lovers, Post-Apocalypse, Pre-Apocalypse, amctwd - Freeform, daryl dixon - Freeform, dixon - Freeform, twd
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-04
Updated: 2018-08-06
Packaged: 2019-06-05 03:59:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15162125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amwelles/pseuds/amwelles
Summary: Macon, Georgia 1989. Daryl Dixon had close to nothing but his drunk, abusive father and an absent older brother Merle. But he always had her.. Throughout their lives, Rachel Marquez and Daryl Dixon were nearly inseparable. Life continued to challenge them, and despite the lack of luck in Daryl's life, he fought for what they had. But was it enough?Pre-Apocalypse • Post-Apocalypse





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is Part 1 of 2. This is definitely a continuous and long read. I’ll update the next chapters frequently. This story is on Wattpad, but is called “Mushaboom” on there. Hope y’all stick around and enjoy. I’ve put my whole heart into this story. Thank you for reading! <3

 

**Rachel**

 

Class had just got out, And I had to grab my book for Economics. I started down the hallway when someone ran into me but kept running. I scoffed. These kids were the worst. I sighed and kept walking, glaring at the two boys running. As I turned the corner I saw a swarm of kids, all running towards the circle they had created. A fight. I rolled my eyes as I approached my locker and begin to open it. I hated it here, I hated everything about this place.

I looked over towards the fight when an old friend jogged towards me. Slightly out of breathe, he uttered, "It's Daryl." My eyes lit up but it was nothing new. I sighed, "Dammit." I put my books back into my locker and slammed it quickly. I wouldn't be needing them anymore. I ran over to the crowd and pushed my way through. I couldn't see much of what was going on due to my height, I elbowed my way in until I finally got to the center of it all.

 _Daryl_.

His hands were up in a fight stance. His eye was already bruised and his cheek had a shiner; blood shown on his nose and his bottom lip. He looked hurt, but he wouldn't stay down. He never stood down.

I looked over at the other guy. Matthew, he had tormented Daryl since the 6th grade, but only last year had they really started fighting frequently. Asshole. Daryl managed to beat his other friends but could never keep Matthew down.

"Daryl!" I shouted at him over all the other chants and scream from kids. I was pissed. When I yelled, he heard me and glanced my way and- Daryl took another blow to the face.

I reacted fast and without thinking, I reached for Matthews's hair. I grabbed it and pulled his head back to face me. As soon as I did my fist slammed into his nose. I then forced his head onto the ground and grabbed him by the collar. He put his hands up defensively, preparing to block the blow that would come next. I scoffed at him and pushed his shirt into him, making him stay on the floor. The crowd had gone silent, with occasional sounds of amusement.

I quickly stood up and looked over to Daryl, he was panting and watched as he was getting up from that last blow he took. He looked furious, but his eyes said embarrassed. He lunged forward towards Matthew but I caught his arms. Not looking at me, he yelled at Matthew, "Fucking Prick!"

I got in front of his face, making him meet my eyes. "Daryl!" His eyes were red, clouded with anger. "Daryl." His eyes finally came to and some of his tension eased. "We need to leave now, c'mon!" I heard a teacher shouting and the crowd begin to break up and scatter. "Pussy! Having your bitch save you!" Matthew taunted. Daryl's arms tensed but I wouldn't let up.  "Hey! Now!" I said sharply and Daryl looked back to me and only nodded, yanking his arm out of my grasp. He grunted and I mocked him in return. We quickly made our way out the side doors, heading towards the parking lot.

 

**Daryl**

 

I was angry, so fucking angry. And embarrassed.. How could she do that? Why would she even think to humiliate me like that? Step in and rescue me like I'm- I'm never gonna hear the end of it. She didn't get it. Just another reason for those assholes to mess with me. With _us_. I stormed off ahead of her. I heard her yelling at me but I kept walking. I didn't want to hear it, especially not from her.

I heard her coming up fast from behind and when I finally turned around she grabbed my arm and pulled me back to stop me.

"You're bleeding dammit, just wait for a sec-" she started, beginning to pull her tissues out of her backpack. I huffed but waited. I was then hit with her pack of tissues as she shoved them into my ribs. I winced and she rolled her eyes. I was hurting bad. Hell if she knew why I was getting my ass beat in the first place. The prick was taunting me. I was fine, ignoring him, but he had to bring her into it.

We walked to her Dart and got in. She started the car and turned to face me. She held a cold glare for a beat and then shifted out of park. We headed out.

She was silent. I hated her silence. It was her way of being heard. Her silence could pierce ears, and she did it to prove a point, letting idiots sit on the shit they've made. And it always worked.

I felt bad for how I acted towards her, but my damm ego is way too big when it comes to her having my back. I appreciated everything, but I only wanted to defend her and of course she ends up defending me. The image of her punching Matthew played in my head over and over. And each time, it became more amusing and less irritating. After sometime I smirked. I looked over at her in amazement and let out a snort. She looked over coldly and I couldn't help but grin.

"What?!" She said sharply, looking annoyed and shit. I just shook my head and looked ahead, knowing it would get a reaction.

"What?!" She asked again - not as sharp, though even more annoyed.

I looked over at her and stared for a beat. God I loved _that_ face.

"That was one helluva swing Matty took to the face.." I looked down smiling. Knowing she was trying to contain hers, I persisted until I could get it out of her. "Huh?" I pushed playfully and there it was. A prideful smirk crept at the corner of her mouth. I went say something else but I looked down at her hand on the wheel. It was red and slightly bruised. I looked back at her concerned. She noticed.

She shook her head. "Doesn't hurt.. it's fine, it felt great.." She was serious as she stared ahead, but when she turned to me she met me with a frenzied, yet tired smile. I couldn't help but smile back. Could never stay mad at her.. and I always got her to come around within a short amount of time too-

She frowned. "I'm still pissed Daryl. You can't keep doing this. You'll get kicked out or get really hurt. What would I do then? What would you do?" She was calm but very rooted in what she was saying. I could only listen. I didn't like it, fighting- but sometimes there's nothing else you could do but fight. It's all I've ever seen growing up. I knew what was worth fighting for, and she was at the very top of that list. I had nothing else but her. My brother left, I had only my dad- wasn't any good to me. Only _her_. Her family too. They were too good to me. I didn't want her mom seeing me like this again. I suddenly felt ashamed as we neared her house.

"They aren't home.. don't have to worry" She said softly. Crazy how much she could read my mind..

"Where's your mom?" I asked quietly.

"She's at my grandma's this morning with Layla.." she trailed off. I only nodded.

As we pulled up I looked at her, she looked at me for a sec then quickly got out and shut the door. I sat there for a beat. When I went to get up I gasped and grabbed onto the door. I wasn't looking forward to seeing what it looked like under my shirt. I knew she'd ask to see it too. I looked over and saw her watching me struggle to get out of the car. She scowled and turned towards the door; I sighed and followed her inside.

Once we got inside, she left the room. I walked into the kitchen, opened the fridge and took out a 2 Popsicles and compress. As she walked back in I motioned one to her and she shook her head. I jumped up to sit on the counter as she begin to poor peroxide onto a towel. It was a routine at this point.

She begin to wipe the blood off my face. For being upset, she was always gentle and calming. We both stayed silent in these kinds of moments. She had me hold the compress to my cheek. I looked around the room as she tended to my nose. When she begin to tend to my mouth I looked to her and her eyes. We both looked away as fast as we looked at each other. I was always too afraid of ruining moments or something- I don't know. When she moved her focus off my face I looked at her, for a moment her eyes met mine again but I didn't look away. For being brown they were pretty beautiful. Light brown eyes that matched her wavy hair. Her hair was something else. It was everywhere, but never looked crazy messy-

I flinched as she pressed her hand into my ribs.. I hit him good twice out of the other 15 swing and misses I threw. But I managed to be punched at least 7 times. Kicked twice..

She looked up at me, her face almost expressionless but I could see something else in her eyes. _Pity_. How awful. She could tell where my mind had gone so she moved her attention, looking up at me. She was so small, she still had to look up a ways. I gave a weak smirk, trying to break the tension? I couldn't tell what kind of tension it was so I just ignored it. Her mind had shifted when I did this. She looked back to my shirt and she finally spoke up.

"Lift it up." She demanded. I looked at her, silently pleading to leave it alone, but she stood her ground and kept with her hard stare. "S'nothin' Rache.." I promised, it being barely audible. She gave me _that_ look and I sighed knowing that I lost this one. I lifted up my shirt a little past my ribs where I knew it was bruised. She let out a weary sigh and looked up at me.

"Was it worth it?" She asked calmly. I stared at her, for a split second I glanced down to her lips, then looked to the floor and begin to chew on my lip. Looking down, I saw the bruises on my ribs and I hated myself for always putting her in the position to take care of me. I brought my eyes up to hers. "Mhmm"  I sounded and nodded. She didn't say anything and continued to examine each bruise. I let my head hang down while she finished up with me.

When she finished she began to turn away. I jumped down from the counter I lightly grasped her wrist and she quickly met my gaze.

 

**Rachel**

 

When Daryl grabbed me I spun around to meet him. He stared down at me and I stared back with the same intensity. The look he gave me killed me, but I was upset with him.. I was. He stepped closer to me, only inches away.

"Thanks.." he said softly. His voice was low and raspy. My eyes softened and I went to speak but couldn't. I only nodded. He softly let go, letting his hand slide down past mine, and turned to throw the popsicle sticks away. I let out a breathe I didn't realize I was holding.

I couldn't ever stay angry with Daryl. It was impossible. But him getting himself into trouble was not okay. He would not turn out like his brother and father. He was so much better than that. He had too much heart to stoop to their low selves. Seeing him beaten like that hurt, especially knowing that he had been subjected to abuse since he was 10. Actually seeing it happen to him was too much. Daryl deserved better. It wasn't fair.

"I'm going to go clean up, get ready and we'll head out. Kay?" I said walking away and towards the hall.  
"Kay" was all he said. I turned around and saw him biting his nails while pulling up a chair at the table. I walked into my room and begin to get ready.

I have wanted nothing but the best for him. I _loved_ him. Of course I loved Daryl Dixon. He was my best friend. We had always been. When his mom died, things really changed for him and his family. His dad had always been a lowly human being, but after her death, he drank his days away. Gambled, sold the items that remained from the fire, stripped everything from those boys. Daryl had only been 9, his brother was already older and more independent. His brother Merle.. he took care of Daryl, but he was cruel and cold. He wasn't any good for him, but he's gone now.

I remember the day his mother died, I had seen Daryl following the other boys around the neighborhood. We were friends at school, so he looked over and saw me on my porch. We both waved and smiled... I remember hearing the sirens. My dad saying that there was a fire not too far.. I saw him come into class the next day. His eyes were dark and he kept his head down but still sat in his seat. He began to take his books out until our teacher saw him sit down. She had him go to the office. Once he left she had announced to he class that his mother had died the day before. She hugged him when he came back, he looked uncomfortable.

Daryl was always a pretty quiet boy but after that day, he kept only to himself. Everyone began to treat him different. They danced around him like he would break if they got too close. After two days of watching it all play out I walked up to him. It took him time but he eventually opened up. Once I had seen his scars, we put all our trust into each other's hands. Understanding what kind of world he lived in without his mom there.

He cried when it happened. I showed him how to flip and hang from the monkey bars. He hung upside down and his shirt fell. He panicked and tried to cover himself and he fell to the ground.. He insisted I could never tell, that it made him stronger and that one day he would be strong and old enough to where he could leave before his dad did anything bad to him, like Merle would. We had been inseparable since. Well at least up until we were 13.

We hit a bit of a weird season. I was changing in my room and I guess my dad told him he'd find me there. Daryl opened the door without hesitation and saw me shirtless. He froze, wide-eyed, he stammered, "shit!" And covered his eyes. I yelled at him about knocking and he stumbled out of the room. We didn't really talk throughout the rest of 7th through 8th grade.

He had his group of friends at school and I had mine during that time. He mainly just stood there silently while they goofed off. We had 3 classes together during that period and we avoided each other. Finally we were assigned to sit next to each other the first week of 9th grade. By the end of the first quarter, we were back to where we had been before the boob scare.

We had been great, but the past few months things begin to get out of control with him and the jerks at school. Being that he was a "poor, hot-headed, son of a drunk, redneck" who had a "soft spot" for me.. he was an easy target for them. The two of us had kept to ourselves most of sophomore and junior year. With one year left and with not much trouble we had been ready to just finish and get out of there. But for whatever reason, trouble has followed him- us since..

I changed and begin to fix my hair. I kept thinking about what just happened out there. Why things have been silently different between us.

This tension we've been having, it was fairly new. Maybe it's just a biological  awareness  that we are opposite sexes and were often alone or close. But I mean- it's Daryl... I'm Rachel. So why has this been a thing? How could we know if what we- well what I'm feeling is real? How do I even know if what I feel around him is more than what we had been? These feelings were obviously real and obviously made sense. We loved each other.. maybe now in a different way than how we had. It gave me a headache. It was silly. We have been more on edge with each other but whenever there might be something, it deflates. This stress ache was all Daryl Dixon. Everything was Daryl.

I took one last look in the mirror and sighed. I put on my favorite ball-cap, grabbed my things, and headed back into the kitchen to find him still biting his nails and lost in thought. Once I neared him he looked over at me. "Ready?" He asked. "Yup."

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Reading :)

**Daryl**

When she came out of her room she had her Jansport and her camera with her. We would be going to the old bridge then. Every time things go wrong we'd go over there. We'd keep each other company. She'd take pictures, I even tracked animals sometimes so she can take photos of them. Usually it doesn't work but its fun contributing to her pictures. It was the best.

We picked up some snacks at the gas station then continued on the road. Was a 30 minute drive. She had me play one of her Brenton Wood tapes as we drove out of town and towards the highway. I lived for these moments. Her hair flying around all crazy, she'd thump her thumbs to the beat on the wheel while she'd softly nod to the music.. And occasionally smiling at me. I watched in silence, contentment filled my lungs and the wind blew through the car as we drove through the trees. Just us.

When we got there we loaded the snacks into her backpack and we begin our short hike towards the bridge. I walked ahead and I heard her shutters go off. She looked up from her camera and smiled at me. I shook my head but knew she'd take more pictures anyway.

Rachel tried to capture ever moment. As if it would save them. She ran to them as if they would fade away at anytime. She was always afraid of losing her moments. She'd mask it with confidence. Acted like she always had everything under control. It was all an act to cover up the fact that she knew she had nothin' under control. At home, things were never consistent for her. Her parents would often fight, take breaks. Her dad was pretty explosive towards her, her brother and her mom. And her mom.. distant, like she wasn't even there at times. They were good people.. just broken. Rachel took care of her parents, her two siblings and of me even, just to have a sense of control in her life. I saw her. And she let me, just like I had let her.

We had been there for a couple hours, honestly lost track of time. Everything was going good but I had to open my damn mouth..

"You know. I would've been alright if you didn't step in.. Didn't need ya." I said quietly yet defensively. It just kinda came out. I wasn't thinking- I didn't mean for it to come off defensive but thinking about her constantly trying to take care of me got to me this time. I loved her for it, but I hated myself for allowing her to be in the situation to do so.

She stopped, let her camera down and turned towards me. I could see the anger building in her eyes. Shit.

"You _really_ want to do this now Daryl?" She challenged, and I couldn't help but meet her at her level. I already started so I had to finish. I needed to get a handle on this damn temperament..

"I could have" I taunted. I hated myself for doing so but I couldn't stop. I kept pushing. I could see a fire start in her eyes. Without noticing, I had started pacing- anger growing. I glared at her, letting her see that I wouldn't stop.

She laughed, then frowned and her face grew angry. "I don't know Daryl. It kinda looked like you were getting your ass handed to" she stated, her tongue sharp. She chose her words carefully. "You know wha- pfft! I can take care of myself!" I was riled up, and I couldn't stop even though I wanted to. Anything that came to mind was spoken without any thought. I kept pacing but got closer to her each time.

"I don't need you! I didn't want you, I don't want ya to help! You only ever get in my way!" I threw my water to the side.

"Trying to be some control freak- like ya know what's best for me. Ya can't even save yourself. s'stop tryin' to save me!" My chest was fuming, and I stepped right up to her face. "I don't. Need you."

She took in everything I said, her eyes watered but she stood her ground, never breaking away from my eyes. She just took it. Like she always had, like with her dad. Her dad. What the hell was I doing.

I stepped back and stumbled. She stood there, heaving but her stare never breaking. I let out a gasp as my chest and head continued to pound. It hurt. This wasn't me. I wasn't them.

"You done?" She asked weakly. The tears building up began to fall down her face but she remained silent and stayed her ground. I couldn't speak or breathe. After what seemed like for ever, she finally turned around and headed down the path going towards her car. I could only stand there. Shame and guilt built up inside me. I stayed there until I could get my breathing under control. Once I did I headed back to her.

When I got to her car, she was sitting inside, resting her head in her arm against the window. I hated myself. I hated what I did to her, what I had done plenty of times. Why'd I have to ruin it? I hesitated but opened the door and carefully got into the car. I kept my head down and we sat in silence for a while. I just wanted to hold her, to be able to touch her, she knew I didn't mean anything I said, but it still hurt. I wanted to tell her I was sorry, that I loved her, that she was everything to me. I didn't. I kept quiet. She finally started the car and we headed home.

 

**Rachel**

I was emotionally spent. I drove us home in silence. Not looking at him once. When we got into town I drove straight to his house. I didn't want to leave him there. With him. But we needed space. I pulled up to his house and my eyes instantly watered. He hesitated to reach for the handle. He was always so unsure what to do after episodes like that. He looked over to me and stared. I finally allowed myself to look at him. Our eyes meeting instantly. He looked so tired- so sad. We both regretted the whole thing, but we would have to fix it later. He stared for a moment longer. For a split second I thought he might reach for me, I think he did too, but he stopped himself and left without a word. I let out a weary sigh. once he was inside, I drove home.

 

**Daryl**

When I got inside I went straight for the garage. Hoping to go unheard. I walked in and pulled out some tools and begin to work on my truck- well, scraps of a truck. I had to clear my head. I replayed what I had done in my head. Made me feel sick. The thoughts of possibilities of what could've happened ran through my mind. What if I reached for her, what if I told her how sorry I was, what if I told her the truth, that I -

I flinched as my dad stormed through the door and stopped to look at me. I stopped and stared at him silently from the ground.

"Ya school called.. ya fightin' boy? Where'd ya g-go?"

I stayed quiet and kept staring. He scoffed and threw his bottle in his hand towards me. I flinched and it hit my truck inches away. The glass exploded and the drink sprayed my head. When I looked back up he was already on top of me. He grabbed me and pulled me up raggedly. Holding me tight and close, I waited for a blow to the head. He laughed once in my face and lightly slapped the side of my face as if playfully. He smelled heavily of whisky; his eyes were gone. He looked me up and down and smiled. He let go, "ya look like shit Dare." He laughed as he stammered away. Once he was inside, I could breathe. I finished up what I had been working on and decided to get out of the house. I washed up and left.

I walked to the station and picked up some smokes. The guy that ran the place was trash. Would sell anything to anyone. I smoked on the side of the station. Keeping to myself and to my thoughts. I needed to talk to Rachel. I needed to get us out of here. I needed her. I cursed myself and threw the smoke down to the ground. I begin to walk up the road and headed to her house.

  
When I got to her house I walked to the side of it, to where her window was. The lights were on in the kitchen and her brother's room too, so I figured she'd be by herself in her room. I approached her window and through the blinds I saw her sitting on her bed reading. Her hair was down and in her face, she was wearing an oversized 'The Who' T-shirt. She looked tired. Her door was shut so I went ahead and tapped twice on the glass.

She brought her head up to her window. I tapped another 3 times so she'd know it was me. She hesitated for a beat, she got out of bed and walked to open her window. I smiled weakly at her and she did so in return.

"Hey.." she said in a warm whisper.  
"Hey.." I stared at her for a bit. She looked so soft, and I wanted nothing more than to hug her. "C'mon.. everyone's going to sleep. They already came in to say g'night so we should be good.." I nodded and pushed myself up through the window. It hurt like hell, she reached to help but stopped as I managed. I swung my legs over and sat at her window, she backed up and sat at her bed. We sat there just looking at one another for a couple minutes. "Daryl-" She went to speak up but I stopped her:

"I'm so sorry Rachel.." my voice was low, I looked down for a sec but brought my eyes up to face her. She nodded. "You know I- I really do appreciate everythin' ya do. I do, I.." I trailed off, trying to find the right wording. She got up from her bed and walked towards me. I looked up and she took my hand. "I know you do. And I know sometimes you gotta do things for you, on your own. I get that. I'm sorry too." I shook my head, she shouldn't be apologizing. But she stopped me.

"Hey.." I looked up at her. "I know you genuinely feel shitty n sorry..so it's okay." She let out a soft laugh. "We're okay. We both know what we did wrong. We learn from it and move on.. Anyways if you could just manage to beat his ass once, this wouldn't even be an issue anymore.." We both laughed. I dropped my head and I saw she still had my hand in hers. My ears begin to burn. She noticed too, but she didn't pull away. She rubbed my hand with her thumb and then lightly squeezed. I looked back up to her, her face was serious. She then brought herself closer to me and wrapped me in a hug.

I wasn't one for physical contact, but with her(and her grandma) I made an exception. Her arms could heal. And they were so warm. I wrapped my arms around her as she held me. She ran her hand through my hair and my eyes became heavy. The sound of her heart, the feel of her arms and body on mine. My eyes met hers. Her hair, her chin, her _lips_ , her eyes.. I could really see Rachel's eyes in 1989.

She let go and sighed.

 

**Rachel**

Looking down at him, holding him- him holding me. Everything felt at peace. I wanted to feel this every day. With him, contentment seemed within a reaching distance. Daryl was everything; our future was everything. Our future. He moved his head to face me. His stare was intense. I could see so much going on in his eyes. I held his gaze and begin to run my fingers through his hair. He closed his eyes for a sec, taking in the feel of it all, but quickly opened them as if not wanting to miss something.

The feel of his warmth and comfort was overwhelming. His eyes could really see me, I could see him. My eyes flickered down to his lips. The thought of our lips- what our kiss would feel like- he must have felt what I was feeling because his eyes lit up (just as mine must have). I panicked and broke the hug. I let out a sigh and backed up towards my bed. His eyes were clouded with a million different emotions. Deflated.

I couldn't stand the tension any longer so I spoke up.

"The school called.." I bit my lip. And looked away from him. "Said I ditched.. and that I had an 'altercation' with Matty and you." Daryl only listened, but I could tell his mind was still stuck  elsewhere. "They'll want to see us tomorrow probably.." He was completely out of it now, not even trying to pretend he was listening. So I asked, "Daryl, what did he say for you to fight back?" Daryl flinched when he heard his name but quickly returned his attention. He stayed quiet and shrugged. I frowned. He usually would tell me what was said but only when they involved me or his mom he'd keep quiet.  
"Your mom?" He shook his head. "Me?" I asked, hardly audible.  He shifted his feet, looking down. After a moment he picked his head up. At first he hesitated to speak, but finally spoke up. "H'just was bein' foul an disrespectful. Said anythin' to get me to fight, but I couldn't let him say those things.. I couldn't.."

I shook my head and didn't say anything. He got up, wincing while pushing up with his arm. "I should head home. S'getting late.." I nodded. He turned to head out the window. I walked up to him and I took his hand. It caught him off guard but he held onto me. "You could stay longer.. you don't have to go back tonight." I whispered. He watched my face intently then shook his head, "Nah it's okay.."  
I frowned but nodded. "Okay. Goodnight Daryl."  His face frowned. "Goodnight." He squeezed my hand and let it linger for a moment. Then he was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Please comment/leave kudos if you’re diggin it. I love feedback!! <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Rachel**

I woke up and the sky was still dark, but I was wide awake. My mind instantly went to last night. Daryl came over. We are okay. I let out a long sigh and closed my eyes. _His eyes lit up. Just as mine must have._ Why did I panic? What would have happened if I didn't back away?

Without realizing, I brought my fingers up to my lips and the thought of what could have been filled my mind. It was strange to think of Daryl in this way, but then again it wasn't strange at all. It was all so natural and I couldn't help but feel like it would be right.

I turned onto my side and saw I had an extra hour before I had to get up. I reached for my Walkman and pressed play. It was the Jelly Roll Morton tape Daryl picked up for me at this old shop a couple months back during his "hunting trip" with his dad. After the tape stopped I was left to my continuous- confusing thoughts. Eventually, the alarm went off, and I got out of bed. After getting ready, I fed my sister and dropped her off at preschool, then headed to school.

I walked in to homeroom and my eyes scanned the class for Daryl. He wasn't there.

Seemed about right but I was still a bit disappointed. When I sat down, My buddy Ben commented on my punch and told me Matthew was suspended. Thank god.

I was zoning out while the teacher did the rest of the attendance until I heard her call my name again. I looked up and she motioned for me to come to her desk. Great. I walked up to her and she gave me a look of pity. "Mr. Carver would like to see you in his office.." I nodded, already knowing. I grabbed my backpack and walked out to his office. I walked up to the window outside his office and he motioned for me to come in.

"Goodmorning Rachel, have a seat please" he said. He was calm but their was an annoyance to his tone. I glared at him but sat down. "So what happened yesterday.. Rachel, what was that all about?" I looked down and I heard him sigh. Carver liked me. He was always rooting for me and I knew that my new frequent visits to his office (that didn't have to do with college) were disappointing him. "Daryl and Matthew were fighting. Correct?" I nodded. "And you stepped in?" I nodded again.

He coughed to clear his throat. "Daryl has been very hostile and non compliant lately.. And rather fixing the problems at hand he fights and leaves. His behavior cannot be-." I laughed, and he stopped speaking. He stared me in the eye and sharply said, "You know.. I don't understand what- why you bother with him. He's not good for you Rachel. He's jeopardizing your future."

I snorted. "Sir, I'm sorry, but you are out of line. We- We mind our own business! And when things get out of hand it's out of defense."

"Rachel, you can't afford the trouble. You broke a kid's nose AND you ditched the rest of the day. That's the third time you've skipped this school year and we are only about to finish the second quarter. You have schools looking at you, wanting you to join them. Too much is at risk, and what? All for a crush?"

That set me off, I shook my head and the anger I felt grew. Carver wasn't a bad guy. He cared for me but he was crossing the line. He continued, "Daryl will face a suspension for what he did yesterday. You, you get a warning but that behavior will not be tolerated. Daryl has been instigating fight after-"

"No! I'm sorry but no, you're so wrong! Matthew picked the fight with Daryl.. I stepped in. I stopped it. I left because Daryl had to be seen by a doctor. His ribs are bruised. Cuts on his face, swollen eye. He had to be seen and not by our school nurse."

"Where is Daryl now? He wasn't in class." He asked calmly.

"He's at home resting. His dads sick so that's probably why he never called.." my voice grew quiet when I said the last part. Everyone knew Daryl's dad. He knew what he was. His eyes softened. He went to speak but I cut him off.

"Sir he's trying. He's working so hard. The odds are already against him but c'mon! He is doing pretty well in his classes. He-he keeps to himself and only fights when he sees it as necessary for his or my protection.. he-"

"Do you know what started the fight? Daryl has been taking more action in these quarrels only recently.."

"I can assure you, Daryl hadn't done anything to provoke Matthew. He never does. Mathews been taunting Daryl for years now. You know that. And the recent fights are because of what Matthew has been saying to him. Things to do with loved ones.. his mom. Doesn't justify Daryl for fighting at all but Matthew needs to stop. Daryl and I, we try to mind our own business. We stay low, do well in class. But when one of us is threatened we can't take lightly to it when it leads to altercations. We're doing the best we can Carver."

I let out a long sigh and sat back after realizing I had leaned forward out of frustration. He let out a similar sigh and nodded. "If Daryl is suspended then so am I. And we both know I can't afford that, you said it yourself."

Carver gave a weak smirk and nodded. His face frowned after a beat and he sighed again. He put his hand to his head, leaning on his desk out of frustration. It was understandable. After a few seconds he brought his head back up to look at me. "Daryl can not get into anymore trouble or he will face punishment.. He better be here tomorrow and on time. He will need to come to my office and pick up some things so have him do so. I won't hesitate to enforce a proper punishment next time.. you understand?"

I nodded while looking down. "Okay, good. You both are assigned detention the next 3 days. Alright. You can get back to class."

I stood up and headed for the door.

"Rachel." I turned and met his eyes. "Heard it was one helluva swing." His face was serious but he quickly smirked and gave a friendly wink. "But please, no more broken noses.." I gave a weak smiled and laughed. "Can't afford it." He shook his head, smiling as I walked out.

The rest of the school day was incredibly long. I occasionally hear some remarks made about what happened the day before. Many praises which were all too satisfying. Once the last bell rang, I made my way over to see Daryl. His dad's truck was gone and I was relieved. I knocked on the door five times and about a minute later, he opened the door smiling.

 

**Daryl**

I was finally eating something for lunch (after cleaning all morning) when I heard our knock. I smirked and jumped up from the couch only to hurt myself in the process. "Fuck" I took in a sharp breathe, holding onto my left ribs.

  
I ran into my room, threw on pants and wobbled over to the door. I smiled when I got the door open. I put my hand up to my forehead and squinted from the sun. Looking down at her, she looked happy to see me. She looked cute today. "Hey." I said. I was in a good mood. My dad was gone, and seeing her here. Things were good, we were good, and I was waiting for her all day.

 

**Rachel**

He opened the door smiling. He was upbeat today. I could see it in his shoulders. "Hey" he said while his eyes were fighting the sun. "Hey."

He backed into the door, pushing it open to invite me in. I walked in and saw the tv on with food on the couch. His house was always a mess, but whenever it was just him home it was a bit more tidy then normal. He took pride in how he would keep it clean, but as soon as his dad would come home he'd trash it again.

"Shoulda been resting." I said while looking back to him. He shrugged, "I'm fine."

  
**Daryl**

She shook her head. "Will left?" 

"Mhm. He's out for the weekend. Went with Jess and Buck.." I sat on the arm of the couch and begin to bite my nails.

"You didn't go?" I just shook my head. She came over and jumped onto the couch. Sitting upside down with her feet hanging over the back of it she looked up at me. "Ya gotta go see Carver tomorrow. I scored us 3 detentions." I huffed but she shushed me. "Hey! I saved you a suspension. Better be there, imma die if I have to go a whole day being a loner again."

"Mkay" I said through my fingers. "Wanna do somethin?"

She nodded. "Gotta stop at home first. My parents wanted to talk and my mom said she'd have dinner starting, wants my help." I nodded. "We can go out after."

"Kay. Imma wash up real quick." I slowly stood up and walked to my room. I grabbed a clean shirt and walked into the restroom. Washed my face carefully. The damn swelling on my eye went down some but it still looked bad. The bruising on my lip and cheek wasn't any good. I was dreading the talk she had mentioned, I looked pretty bad and her parents wouldn't be okay with it. I brushed my teeth, changed my shirt and sighed as I took a last look at the mirror. I needed a haircut. I headed out and looked over to Rachel still in the same position on the couch. "Ya ready?" I asked.

"Mmhm!" She got up and looked at me. "You need a haircut" she mumbled as she made her way to the door.

When we got to her house her mom was already cooking in the kitchen. "Hey Dare" she spoke when she saw us come through the door. She smiled and continued cooking. Over on the other side of the counter Layla was in her booster chair coloring. "Hey Monica. Hiya Layla.. Whatcha makin'?" 

"Chilaquiles." She replied. I smiled and looked over to Rachel who had already started on some rice. Monica could cook like no one else, and Rachel wasn't too far behind. I loved her mom's food. "Sweet. Need anuthin'?" I asked. "Sure, actually can you two run to the store. We need cheese and sour cream." I nodded looking to Rachel. She smiled and mumbled something to her mom. "Love you" she shouted as we made our way to the door.

Once she parked, she grabbed a cart even though we wouldn't be needing one. She pushed it towards me and I took it as she jumped onto the end of it. I snorted as she smiled at me and I started to push her. We took our time making our way through the store.  She jumped down while looking at different ice creams. "Whatcha wanna do tonight?" I shrugged, "I dunno..  We can go to Jeffersons?"

She made a face. "Nah.." I thought for a moment. "A movie? They've been playin Goonies at State.." She looked over and her eyes lit up. "Okay!" I smiled at her excitement. God I loved her. "Okay. Cool."

We got back and her dad and brother were home. We all ate together. Food was amazing as always. But once John finished he asked for Ricky to get Lay ready for bed. Here we go.

 

**Rachel**

My dad finally spoke up when I was just about done with my plate. He asked Ricky to get Lay ready for bed, which meant he was ready to "talk." He was already in a bad mood when we got back but I was hoping he'd let the whole incident at school slide.

Daryl tensed a bit. He hated disappointing my family. Once they were upstairs, my dad looked over at the two of us. "So what was the fight all about?" I heard Daryl's feet shift under the table and I glanced down. We both stayed silent. "Are either of you gonna tell me?" I looked over to my mom and she had the same impatient face as my dad. She spoke up, "Are you guys going to talk? He's asking you. Rachel?" Daryl began to explain himself while anxiously picking at his hand.  
"I shouldn't have reacted.. Matthew was tauntin' me an- an he.." Daryl's jaw clenched for a second. "I wasn't okay with what he was saying after a while and I snapped. Was stupid. An I didn't mean for Rachel to get involved. She wasn' even there when we started fightin' she just.."

My dad looked over to me and I stared him in the eyes. I finally cut Daryl off, "We aren't picking fights dad.. he was defending me. And I stopped the fight-"  
My dad cut me off, "yeah by breaking the kids fucking nose. You guys can't be doing shit like this. Rach, you're gonna throw away opportunities because some asshole can't keep his mouth shut? Daryl? You want to be kicked out? Have to work twice as hard because you never finished school. Look at me! Fuck man. Lay low, finish school And keep outta trouble unless you have to. You defend her when you absolutely need to, but if you feel like you can't stand by it, then make sure the other guy stays down." Daryl nodded, "Okay.. I'm sorry. Monica, John, I am."

My mom thanked him for apologizing, and she looked to me. "Sorry you guys.. I'm sorry." I looked to my dad and his attention was on Daryl. "Was it worth all that?" He asked while motioning to his bruised face. Daryl looked over to me and back to my dad nodding. "Yeah." His voice was soft yet raspy. My dad sighed wearily, "Alright. You guys protect each other, but please stay out of trouble." We both nodded.

We all got up and began to help clean the kitchen. Once we finished I looked over to Daryl and he nodded. I asked my mom if we could go see the movie and after hesitating she said it was fine.

We stopped at the station to pick up some snacks and drinks. We drove up towards the back of the field and found a parking spot. Going to the drive in was always the best. He switched the radio to the right station as we waited for the movie to start.

As we were settling in we started talking about what we were going to do for Halloween. Daryl always acted like I forced him into the "Halloween spirit," but I knew he secretly enjoyed it. "Are we gonna see Halloween 5?" I snorted, "Nah I'm so over those movies." He laughed, "Thank god, every ones talkin' about it like it'll be something different." I shook my head in disapproval, "Nah.. waste of film."

 

**Daryl**

I laughed at her last comment. She'd get so ticked with shit movies.. The big screen lit up and the movie started rolling. She brought her knees up and turned up the volume a bit. I rested my arm on her seat while I ate some Reese's. We laughed a lot. Occasionally joked and teased each other, saying who was who in the movie. After sayin' she was Sloth, she playfully hit my side hard enough and I winced. Her eyes widened and she stammered, "Oh shit sorry!" I laughed while taking in a breath, "It's alright.. Sloth." She smirked and threw one of her m&m's at me.

About an hour into the movie, I glanced over to the car beside us and the two people inside were getting pretty heated. I quickly shifted my gaze and became nervous with just being there in the car with her.

I looked over to Rachel and my ears began to burn. My thoughts went over to her hand. I had the urge to take it and hold it but I fought it. I glanced down and saw that her hand was resting on her thigh. The tension in my head grew as I imagined myself sliding my fingers between hers and my hands became sweaty. I tried to push my focus back to the movie but it was no use. As simple as holding her hand was, I couldn't even bring myself to lift my arm from her seat. I looked back at her and this time she noticed. She looked over to me and met my eyes with the same intensity. _Just take her hand_.


	4. Chapter 4

**Daryl**

_Just take her hand_

She stared back. My eyes flickered to her lips, and I finally brought my arm down from behind her. I went to reach for her hand-

I stopped myself and playfully pushed her with my elbow and smiled. She hesitated but scrunched her nose, returning the smile then turned towards the screen frowning. I attempted to pay attention to the rest of the movie but my ears kept burning. I glanced her way and she had put her arm up, resting her head against. There went my shot.

I kept quiet the rest of the night. Once the movie finished she made some comment about not wanting to go home. I was half listening. She took notice and drove us home in silence. Once we got back to my house she stopped the car. She turned towards me, waiting for me to say something.

"Alight. See you tomorrow?" She looked disappointed but nodded. "Kay, g'night.."

I went to turn towards the door and she stopped me. She reached for my face and my heart raced. I didn't dare to move. I remained frozen as she brought her fingers to my- She brought her fingers back, two pinched together. "Gotta eyelash."

I looked her in the eyes then laughed. I shook my head as she kept her fingers up, expecting me to blow. She raised her eyebrows insisting. I rolled my eyes and blew. I shook my head smiling. "G'night Rach." She smiled. "Goodnight."

I got out and after closing the door I let out a heavy sigh. She started the car, waiting for me to get inside. I waved before closing the door. Cursing myself, I walked to my room, took off my pants and threw myself onto my bed. Good lord.

**Rachel**

I got home around 9:30. Said goodnight to my family then got into bed. I put on one of my swing mix tapes to try to help me sleep but I knew I wouldn't get much sleep after tonight.

Everything was so confusing. Sometimes I'd feel that maybe Daryl felt this way too. He had to right? What would all the tension he gives off be if he didn't? Maybe he just sees me like a sister and what I'm doing makes him uncomfortable. Who knows. He would never act on anything if he did; he'd be too scared of ruining things or of rejection..

My heart was aching. Annoyance would be the only word to describe it. Like something's constantly weighing on my chest, making me feel completely hopeless and heavy. I _wanted_ to tell him. That ass, if he knew what he was doing.. He had to have some kind of idea of how I felt.

His birthday was coming up, my mind drifted to his gifts. I already got him a Walkman with a Steve Miller Band tape and a mixtape of my own(still in progress)... A Millennium Falcon key chain. I just had the card left. My family and I had a dinner planned for him, with a cake and everything. My grandparents were gonna come. Both my parents and grandparents were going to get him a couple cassets too. It was gonna be great.

The next month was gonna be crazy. Daryl had an interview at a garage shop in a couple days, his birthday was next week. Three days following would be Halloween, and then my birthday the week after.

We had so much good going for us. Maybe telling him would just ruin or complicate things. I couldn't do that to us. I couldn't.

About an hour later I found myself drifting to sleep.

**Daryl**

I was in first period on time, and once I was marked down I headed over to Carver's. He gave me some spiel about doing better and staying out of trouble for both mine and Rachel's sake. He gave me a list of requirements I would have to meet for graduation, and told me if I could just keep to myself and pass my classes I'll have no problems with walking. He went on about other things but I began to imagine life after grad. Rachel and I could go anywhere, be anything. She'd have her studio and I'd have a garage maybe in the city. We'd both have plenty of work in Atlanta I'm sure. 

"Alright, everything's all settled then. The next three days you have detention. Do not bail on those. Got it?" I nodded, "Yup!" He looked at me and frowned. "I want to like you Daryl, I'm rooting for you.. prove me wrong, and Rachel right. Okay?"

It took me back a bit to hear him say that. I was a bit offended but grateful at the same time. Not many people took chances on me, a Dixon. I nodded while looking to the ground. "Thanks," I left his office, skipping the rest of first, waiting to meet up with Rachel at her locker before second.

The bell sounded and moments later she was walking through the hall, smiling at me. I smirked and jerked my head up. "Morning."

"Everything's done with Carver?" I nodded, "Mhm."

She nodded her head slowly while she opened her locker. "How are the bruises?" Your eye is losing the color.." I shrugged. "Just a little sore.. looks a lot better." She stopped to read my eyes, and when she decided I was being honest she nodded and started going on about some essay against bullying that was assigned in our homeroom. I scoffed and shook my head. This school was ran by idiots.. Adults never could handle things the right way.

We walked to second, and I walked her to the classes we didn't have with eachother. The rest of the day was a drag but we suffered through it together. We had to help with maintenance around campus for detention. It wasn't so bad and we goofed off the majority of the time. Hell, I could be shoveling shit and be just fine, with her there with me. I loved her so much. With her, life just might turn out alright. I knew it would.

 

  
**Daryl**

It was Friday, the 27th. The rest of the week was a drag. A couple days ago I had a interview at Jack Hanson's garage shop and got the job. I had had plenty trouble looking for a job being attached to my last name and all, but the interview went pretty well. Today was my first day.

At school this morning, Rache and I saw that Matthew was back. He kept mad dogging us throughout the day and finally during lunch he called us out. It took everything in me to walk away but Rachel grabbed my hand and pulled us out of there and into the parking lot.

After school was out, she drove me to the shop, talking about how excited she was for tomorrow and going on 'bout how much I'm gonna love it.

"Imma pick you up after work." She was so happy for me; her eyes were smiling. "We'll hang out after, and I'm gonna be the first to wish you a happy birthday so I gottta be with you at 12." I laughed and nodded. "Alright. Sounds good."  
She smiled at me and gave me a quick hug, "Good luck! See you soon." I got out and waved her off. Not gonna lie, I was pretty excited to be working.

Work was great. I already knew plenty with fixing cars, but by the end of this I'd be ready to have my own shop. I loved fixing and working on em. The shift went by pretty quick and I'd be coming back on Sunday. When I clocked off, Rachel was out in her Dart waiting for me.

I grinned, walked up to her and she smiled, "How'd it go?" I smiled down at her, "s'good, it's good. Gonna be great really. I'll be ready for my own shop after all this." She nodded, "Mhm! Proud of you Dare.. you're gonna do it. C'mon, it's your pre-birthday party party!" I shook my head and laughed while I got into the car. The rest of the car ride she asked me questions about the job.

When we got to her house we went out into the backyard and we finished up the homework we had so we'd be free the rest of the weekend. We finished up just as her mom was calling us for dinner. We had pizza and we all sat in the living room and watched The Empire Strikes Back. Once the movie ended Rache and I helped her parents clean up. "You ready to be an adult?" John asked, he laughed, smirking. I snorted and smiled. "You ready for your daughter to be one?" John smiled and stared at Rachel. She looked over to me grinning. She was beautiful. John shook his head, "No way."

It got late quick. At 10, Rachel told em she was taking me home, that she'd be back in 30. I thanked them all for the pizza, they waved me off saying they'd see me tomorrow.

She drove us to Jeffersons and we parked near the trees. She looked at me with that frenzied smile and held up a joint. I snorted and shook my head. She handed it to me and I took, putting it between my teeth. "You're crazy ya know?" I uttered, with an eyebrow arched as I reached into my pocket for my lighter. She shrugged and laughed. We rarely did this, and every time we did it made for a pretty entertaining night. I took a drag and handed it to her. And as always she coughed a bit. I laughed and she hit my arm, "Shut up!" I kept laughing and she did the nose scrunch that I loved.

We barely smoked half, just enough to get a good buzz going, and we just talked for a good 25 minutes. After what seemed like enough time, we headed back to her house. I got out quietly and made my way to the side of her house. It was pretty dramatic.. due to the high. She glanced over to me all serious, making a dumb face as she was trying to motion for me to be quiet. I started cracking up but quickly attempted to get a hold on myself. I tiptoed through the yard and kept my back against the wall of the house.

She only took about 10 minutes, I heard their muffled voices and when I heard her door close I creeped up to find her smiling down at me. I was overwhelmed and smiled like a fool. I climbed up trynna be as quiet as I could and my foot slipped, we both giggled like we were 10. Once I was inside she had me turn around so she could change. I felt some relief knowin that my face was already flustered from the high- I felt her touch on my arm and it pulled me to face her. My breath caught but when I turned to see her, she was in her PJs. I sighed, smiling at her choice of PJs. She was wearing a Sesame Street T with Star Wars bottoms. "S'cute" I teased. She rolled her eyes and switched on her side lamp, she turned off her main light.

The room was pretty dark. I felt her hand in mine and she pulled me towards her bed. She sat us down in the side of it, pulling out snacks, a pack of cards, and Chutes and Ladders. I grinned, "We placin' bets?" She laughed and began to shuffle the deck. We played a few rounds of Speed, which was all too amusing watching her trynna be as fast as she could while buzzin. We played War, and only one round of Holdem before playing Chutes. As we played, we talked, occasionally making jokes. "You only liked it cause Ford's in it." She motioned that she was hurt. "Not even, Indie is one of the best characters and sorry but all 3 movies were great. And yes Harrison Ford is the most beautiful man, b-but his talent is what makes the movies good." I snorted, "All he does is act like an asshole, I could do that.." She was quiet for a few beats and she finally gasped, "Oh my god, you have to be Indie  for Halloween!" She whispered. "Pfft nah!" She shook her head, and let out a soft laugh. I smirked and made my next move on the game.

"Hey Daryl.." I looked up from the board, meeting her smiling eyes. "Happy Birthday.." I glanced at her clock and it read 12:02. I smiled. She reached under her bed again and brought out a box. It was covered with her doodles on the top of it and in the side it had my name. I opened it and there was a card on top. "You can read it later.. just open the rest of it." I lifted up the tissue under the card and froze. I quickly looked up at her and she was smilin' proudly. I looked back down and picked up the Walkman. I held onto it, and lifted up two tapes. I laughed at the sight of the Steve Miller tape, but when I looked to the tape that read, "The Essence of You" I stared. It was all too overwhelming. Happiness.

I looked at her frowning. I set the stuff down and wrapped my arms around her. I soaked it all in. The feel of her wrapped around me, the light smell of her hairspray and perfume, the feel of her hair on my arms, the darkness of her room, the warmth I felt. All of it. I held onto her until she finally pulled away. "You get the rest of your gifts tomorrow.." I blinked. "Rache, I- Um, Thank you. Rachel, It's too much" I shook my head, "Thank you.." She hugged me again, resting her chin in my shoulder. "You know I love you... Daryl." I tensed. And pulled away to see her face. I lightly nodded and looked down. I hadn't heard anyone say that to me in over 9 years, and I didn't know how to process it. She sighed, "Listen to it when you get home.. I could- you can sleep here until its early morning. Can take the bike.."

I shook my head, "Nah, I'll leave in a bit. I'll walk." She frowned but nodded. She began to pick up the board game so I helped and we put the games and food back under her bed. She stood up to sit on her bed and I followed. She laid down and rolled to her side to face me. I laid down, resting my head on my arm and looked to her. We laid there for a few minutes. After a while, I reached out and grabbed her hand. For whatever reason I finally had the guts to do so. I laced my fingers between hers; Her hand was warm and soft and it felt amazing. I met her eyes to see if it was okay, and once I felt like it was, I looked up to the ceiling and found myself dozing off.

I snapped up with a start and let out a heavy breath. I looked over to Rachel and she was sleeping. She was still holding onto my hand.. she stirred, sensing I was up and she looked up to me. I squeezed her hand and glanced to the clock. 2:37. I let go of her hand and got up. I put my box into my backpack I had brought with me, and turned towards her. She sat up, half asleep, rubbing her eyes.

I walked over and sat on her bed facing her. "Imma get home. I'll see ya in a few hours, Kay?" She nodded. "Thanks Rache.." she gave me a sleepy smile. I smiled but quickly frowned at the words that found its way to my mouth. Not really thinking, I spoke my mind, "I love you too.." my voice trailed off. She stared at me, her face was unreadable. I gave a weak smile and shifted my feet uncomfortably. "See ya." I climbed through her window and started on my way home.


	5. Chapter 5

  
**Rachel**

_I love you too.._.

I watched his eyes closely, not fully sure of what kind of response would be right. Daryl wasn't one to say things like that, and hearing those words- I knew he loved me, but he loved enough to finally be able to accept it and make it real for himself. I was trying to process the whole thing, I mean I was half asleep and still buzzing. I saw he immediately regretted saying it. He felt too exposed..

_See ya._.

He climbed out of the window and hopped down. I sat there for maybe a minute when I jumped up from my bed, threw on a sweater and shoes and climbed out myself. I ran after him, when I turned the corner of my front yard I saw him a couple blocks down. I didn't make it too far before he heard me. He could hear anything, I could never sneak up on him. He stopped walking and waited for me to catch up.

"What are ya doi-"  
I threw my arms around him and he stumbled back. He was tensed and he patted my back awkwardly. I held him tight and when he finally wrapped his arms around me I let out a shakey breath. "I won't leave." He froze, and after hesitation he nodded. We stayed right there for a couple minutes. He finally spoke up, with his raspy voice, "I ain't goin' anywhere either."

I looked up at him and he rested his forehead on mine. He scrunched his nose and I returned our gesture. It was freezing, and there was a breeze. I shuddered and he held me closer, but his head stayed resting in mine.

"You- you don't have to- " I sighed, I chose my words very carefully, you had to with Daryl. "You don't have to do that." He looked at me confused and lifted his head, but didn't let go of me. "Do what?" I frowned, I couldn't find a better way to say it. "You don't have to push what you said away.. because it's real, and that's okay.." He stared at me, but then looked past me and pulled me into a tighter hug. He held onto me like he'd lose me if he loosened his grip even a little. I breathed in his scent and took the moment all in. "Happy Birthday Daryl." I pulled away, letting my arms slide down his into his hand. I let my hand linger and scrunched my nose. He did it back and lightly squeezed my hand. "I'll see ya" he whispered. "Okay."

 

**Daryl**

I got inside and looked at the clock. _2:57_. All the lights were off so I assumed I'd be fine. As I walked through the front room, I saw my dad passed out of his chair. I did my best to be as quiet as I could, I didn't want to wake him up.

I only reached the hall way when I heard his cold. hoarse voice. "Hey!" I froze. I turned towards him as I heard him stand up from his chair. I backed up a bit, just enough to get to the bathroom so I could put my backpack inside. I didn't want anything in it to break, I closed the door and inched closer to where I had been as he dragged his feet towards me.

"Fuckin' hell- where the fuck you been? It's 3 in the fuckin' mornin!" His voice stared to raise and I tensed as he got closer, my breathing picked up. "With that Girl? Fuckin her? _Fuckin shit_! The fuck you been Daryl?!" He was only a couple feet in front of me as he yelled and slurred. I shifted my feet and my breath hitched. "Huh?! Daryl?!" He lunged towards me and my arms went up. He stopped, huffing and he leaned forward.

He got in my face, pushed his forehead into mine. I fought for balance and my eyes didn't leave his stare. I wouldn't. I wouldn't break- He socked me in my gut and I lost all the wind I had in me. I dropped to the floor, gasping for air when his foot slammed into my ribs. I opened my eyes and felt my upper back against the corner of the wall, I was on my side when I felt his rough hand on my arm and shirt. He yanked me up and slammed me into the corner, I gasped, and he landed another punch into my stomach. I was dizzy and fell to the floor again, I cried, desperately trying to catch a breath. "YER FUCKIN NOTHING DARYL. NOTHIN. YOU FUCKIN BITCH! FUCK-" He screamed at me while kicking my side over and over. He grunted with each kick, and I couldn't move. He bent down, grabbing onto my hair he punched me one last time, hitting my eye and nose. The blow forced the side of my face into the corner of the wall. Blood began pouring out my nose and I wheezed, fighting for each breath. He snarled and hit the wall above me. Moments later I was left alone in the front room. I kept quiet, trying to manage the pain and my breathing. When I finally heard his door slam shut, I broke.

I cried. I couldn't stop. I laid there and I cried. I cried for my mom, I cried for Merle. Merle and Ma left me. They left. I sobbed and it hurt my ribs and chest but I kept crying. They left, my dad, he left me over and over. They all leave.

_I won't leave_.

Rachel.

"Rachel" I mumbled. Rachel wouldn't leave. She never has. I managed to start breathin, my eyes were too watery to see through but I wasn't crying anymore. I was just breathing. I laid there for a while. There wasn't much of any feeling in my head, there was nothing. My body ached but my head was gone. Just breathin..

I woke up with a start and instantly felt the pain. I grimaced and tried to catch my breath. I rolled over, it was still dark out, I looked to the clock _5:12_. My face felt numb and sticky, I rubbed my eyes real quick then propped myself up on one elbow. I slowly managed to get on my feet, not daring to make any sound despite the sharp pains. I felt sick but I had to get to my room. I slumped against the wall and staggered to the bathroom door, I opened it and reached down for my backpack. I winced as I pulled it up. I dragged myself into my bedroom and closed the door behind me.

I laid down, didn't bother with my shoes or nothin. I opened my backpack, took out Rachel's box and opened it. Looking down at her gifts I took in a sharp breath. Rachel was the only good in this world.. and she loved me. I took out her card and reached for my flashlight under my bed. I immediately recognized her handwriting.

_To you, Daryl Dixon_

I opened the card to see a whole book written there. I smiled with amusement and read. She wrote exactly how she talked, which made for a very entertaining letter, with her funny phrases and weird grammar. I was smiling the whole way through reading but her last paragraph was everything.

_But you're free now Daryl- You can live anywhere, be anyone, anything. It's all up to you. You have a whole life to live now, and you're gonna be fine. No one can hurt you anymore. It's just gonna be us against this lame planet and we're gonna be just fine. Even if we get lost along the way, we'll always find each other. Well, I gotta go pick you up from work now. Proud of you Dare. I love you. Happy 18th Birthday Daryl Dixon! :)_

__  
Forever yours,  
Rachel Marquez

 

I laid the letter on my chest and sighed. No one had to hurt me anymore... and I had her. She had me too.. I picked up the Walkman and put her mixtape in.

I was greeted by Johnny Marr's voice.. The Smiths'. I melted into the music. For those few minutes, I felt at peace. I couldn't feel my aching body, my anger, I didn't feel broken. I was okay.. _I was okay._

•••

I woke up to the sound of someone crying. A heavy pain filled my chest as I breathed. I rubbed my eyes open only to find my dad at the end of my room. He was slumped against the wall by my door. His head hung down and his body was limp. His shoulders shook and he cried. It was uncomfortable and I had no clue what to do. He kept crying, and for a couple minutes I just watched him. He had to have been drunk still.

I shifted in bed, adjusting to the soreness and pain on my torso. He heard me and looked up at me, he sat there and still he cried but it was silent now. My eyes grew weary, it hurt. He looked back down and shook, silently sobbing. I dragged myself to the edge of the bed and did my best to get up. I gasped and clutched onto my dresser in the side of my bed. I used the wall to guide me to where my dad was. I slumped down next to him and looked to him.

His face looked younger, which was odd. He looked so tired and broken; his eyes were lost. I reached for him but hesitated, I couldn't help him, I was never able to. I looked across the room and saw the picture of Ma on my dresser. I looked back down for a beat and then back to my dad. I wrapped my arm around him; he leaned into me and continued to cry. We sat there for a while and neither of us said anythin. I held him for as long as he needed me to. And when he gained control of his breaths, he sat up, pulling away from me.

He looked over to me and his eyes examined my face. He looked so damn sad. He shifted uncomfortably and started to stand up. I watched him closely, I couldn't ever tell what his next move was. He struggled, but once he was on his feet, his posture changed and there he was. Whatever that was moments ago was gone and he was "himself" again. He glanced over to me, took in a sharp breath and left my room without a word.

I looked back to the picture of my mom and sighed. I began to bite my nails, thinkin. Everything was so damn confusing. After a couple minutes of just sitting there. I decided I was gonna make myself breakfast. I managed to get myself up and used the wall to guide me down the hall and into the bathroom. I switched on the light, and looked into the mirror. Shit. There was dried-up blood smeared across my check and all around my nose. The bridge of my nose and under the corners of both eyes were purple. Rachel was gonna lose her shit, but her family.. They'd think I got into another fight, they'll be pissed. I started the shower and got in. I didn't want to have to lie or explain myself. I was tired.

I got ready pretty quick, despite the constant aching every time I moved my body, and I made breakfast.. enough for two. I made my way down the hall and to his door. I listened for a sec, not knowing if he was awake. I cracked the door open and he was sitting at the edge of his bed. "Hey.. dad." He lifted his head and turned it slightly but didn't meet my eyes. "I made breakfast." He nodded, and I closed the door. I set up the table, and waited for him. After waiting for a few minutes I began to eat without him. I was about half way done when he finally came down the hall and sat across from me.

He began to eat, it was silent and stayed that way until he was done. I had already gotten up and started on the dishes. "Boy, why don't you come and sit? Just leave em" he motioned to the dishes. I glared at him and he stared right back. "Don't look at me like that.. just come and sit."

 

I sat down next to him and he sighed. As he did, he took off his watch he always wore, "When I was about yer age, my Pa gave me this watch." He paused, looking down at the old thing and shook his head. "He went on, saying shit about bein' a man now. Well Daryl, you're a man now. But this watch here.. this ain't for you. My Pa wasn't a good man, and I know I ain't either. Butchu- you got heart. Like your Ma.. You see, this watch here is a reminder of who I am, where I came from. And this watch," he pulled out a pocket watch, "This is for you.."

He handed me the watch and I took it. "Yer Ma gave that to me a year before Merle was born.." I head snapped up, I couldn't believe he was giving me something from my mom. "I-I never really used it, but always kept it in my truck. But uh- anyways, I think she'd want you to have it.." His voice turned into a hushed cold whisper,"You're a lot like her.. your mom." He fidgeted with his watch, looking uncomfortable. I was caught off guard by his gesture but I appreciated it. "Thanks.."

"Uh- well. I imagine you have plans today?" I nodded and he looked down, nodding in return. "With Rachel?" I nodded, "Mhm, and her family.."

"She's a good kid.. So uh. She your girl then?" I shook my head and shrugged. "Well she's your girl or she's not.. so which is it?" I became frustrated and a bit embarrassed, I just shook my head again, "I don't know." He smirked and let up, "Alright.. Well ya should go and get yer day started.." I frowned, "M’kay." He got up and put his dish in the sink. He started to walk towards the hall but he stopped and shifted his head. Not turning to face me he asked, "You hear anythin' from Merle?" He waited there for an answer. I glared in his direction, we hadn't heard anything from him for months. He left us, he was gone and he didn't care.

"Nah."

He nodded and walked to his room, shutting the door behind him.

My thumb traced the watch; I couldn't believe I had something from my mom. Everything either burned with her or my dad gambled away. I tucked it away in my pocket and cleaned up a bit in the kitchen. I did what I could, but my body still hurt like hell. I had to tell Rachel. It probably wouldn't be good to go today, I didn't want to deal with it.

I wobbled to the couch and picked up the phone. I dialed and after a few moments, her mom picked up on the other end. "Hey Monica.."

"Hey Daryl, Happy Birthday!" I laughed and thanked her. "Hey can I talk to Rachel?"

"Sure, is everything alright?" I paused for a sec, probably gave something away. "Ya, just wanted to double check on the plans for today.." I began to chew on my lip? The idea of them seeing me like this again.. They wouldn't understand, and I didn't want to let them down. "Sure I'll get her right now."

I heard Monica callin for Rachel and she quickly got on the line. "Hey! I was gonna call in a bit. When did ya want me to get you?"

"I uh- I don't think today's good" my voice grew quiet and I waited for her reaction. "What happened?" Her voice was sharp but quiet. I shifted and hesitated. She was gonna be angry that he did this. "I- I don't look good Rache.." the silence on the line killed me. "How bad is it?"

 

I hated doing this to her. I fucking hated it. "I can barely get around.. There's a pretty bad bruise. Your parents... I just- I shouldn't go."

"Daryl, you're coming over.. I'll cover for you, I'll be there in 30, okay?" I sighed, "Alright.."

"Okay, see you in a bit."

"Kay. See ya."

  
**Rachel**

When Daryl opened the door he grasped the door frame to keep him up. Instantly, I was at his side to help him. His eyes were bruised. I couldn't imagine how the bruising looked underneath his shirt. I wanted to do something, say something to Will. But I couldn't, I couldn't help Daryl in that way. I helped him into the car and he kept quiet.

When I got in we sat there for a while. He kept picking at his hand, his head stayed down.

"Daryl-"

"Rachel it's fine." He promised.

"No! It's not! It's not oka-"

"I said it's fine dammit! Fuck man! It's okay Rachel! No one can hurt me remember?" He was being condescending with what he said last. He was pushing me now. "Jus' lets go! What'd you even tell your parents anyway?"

I glared at him, I was trying to stay calm, I didn't want to fight. I pursed my lips, trying to show him I was upset. "I told them you were jumped last night, that you went to the store after I dropped you off. You can give the rest if the details yourself." He snorted, "Can't wait." I rolled my eyes and shifted the car into drive. We were off.

 

  
~ **The Essence of You Mixtape** ~  
• Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want - The Smiths  
• Pink Moon - Nick Drake   
• Harvest Moon - Neil Young   
• That's The Way - Led Zeppelin   
• Place To Be - Nick Drake  
• Didn't Want To Have To Do It - The Lovin' Spoonful   
• Thoughts of Mary Jane - Nick Drake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Hope you enjoyed this chapter. I wrote Daryl's dad (Will) with Michael Shannon in mind,,  
> Thanks for reading!! <3


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